A transactional world
and other possibilities
“It’s good to remember that we are dealing with the addictive system in all its most glaring manifestations. As we begin to interface with this system, we will witness the institutional face of codependent enabling in its most crystalline state...(our) own personal issues will be triggered and (we) will be invited to play (our) own dysfunctional role.”1
A few weeks ago, I gave a presentation on the NADA Acudetox protocol to a group of peer recovery support specialists (PRSS’s). It brought to mind something my mentor had taught us when we were preparing to teach in her acupuncture program.
“Being a teacher isn’t about knowing everything and having all the answers. You never will…You just need to know a little bit more than the folks you’re teaching. They will ask you questions you can’t answer. And in your work to find that answer for them, you will learn. This is actually the next step in your learning as practitioners. “I don’t know” is an appropriate answer. “I will get back to you” should be the next words out of your mouth.
The PRSS’s had great questions. One lingered on the drive home over the mountains, gently swirled through the night and was sitting looking at me expectantly when I got up this morning.
“What’s your response to “What’s this gonna do for me?”
That’s an offensive question. As in, somewhat combative. It’s not “What can I expect?” or “What does this do?”. It falls down the line of “What are you gonna do for me?” In answering a question like this, it’s useful to not default to a defensive position. To remember that I am not the NADA protocol, I’m just a human offering it. This is ninja work, seeing the approaching energetics and sidestepping to engage from a different angle. One of the most disarming responses is the honest one- “I don’t know.”
I don’t know what you will experience or get from this. You are a unique human who will have a unique experience.
The other difficulty of engaging with this question from a defensive posture is that we buy into the transactional nature of the question.
You want me to do this, I’m not going to do it unless you promise me a payout.
There are several issues here-
Unspoken contracts and shitty boundaries, for one.
Promising something we have no ability to guarantee the outcome of.
Reinforcing the transactional soup we culturally swim in.
Still keeping your head above the murky waters of our current culture? I thought not.
In college, because of my major, I spent time reading Sun Tzu and Machiavelli. Sun Tzu has stood the test of time, Machiavelli not so much.
“When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.”2
It’s pretty simple- don’t box people in. Don’t back folks into a corner from which there is no exit, either in words, deeds or in your head. Sun Tzu advised this because he knew a cornered enemy was fighting for its life and highly likely to whomp your ass. It’s pretty brilliant advice for everyday interactions with friends, family, colleagues and patients as well.
With the NADA protocol, we can do this by offering other options. Acupuncture needles an issue? Try an acupressure bead. Still too much? Join the circle and simply sit with the other folks experiencing the protocol.
Have your own experience. Or not. Up to you.
If I, as the ADS (Acudetox Specialist) administering the protocol have an attachment to someone participating, then I’m setting up a transactional relationship. Which then feeds into the ‘you owe me’ loop.
“I don’t want to do this, but if I do it then you owe me…”
“You owe me” is an interesting piece of our transactional culture. It’s a conundrum, this little unspoken demand because it sites us in a position of weakness, not strength. It’s a subtle way to denigrate our own agency. We are making a demand rather than an ask.
NADA’s acronym (National Acupuncture Detoxification Association) is no accident. Nada = nothing. No thing. There is no thing in the external world that can guarantee our health, our peace of mind, our safety. Besides basic common sense (don’t put the Amazon box on the stove on your way to check your latest notifications), safety is an internal reality. And maybe, just maybe if we reconnect with our Self, the self that exists beyond time and space, we might find no things there.
Folks in recovery are desperate for their life to be different. For there to be some stable ground on which to stand. Are we any different?
“That portion of society which sees itself as non-addicted is the greatest difficulty.”3
That’s us, folks. Not the lovely people in recovery who know they have an issue and are working damned hard to do something about it. How to move forward when the ground is heaving beneath your tootsies?
Gratitude.
From an indigenous perspective, this is our primary remit as humans.4 Be grateful. That’s all that is asked of us. Not ruling the world or buying more stuff because it’s on sale. (Crap on sale is still crap.) Be grateful that we don’t have all the answers, that it’s cold outside and the car won’t start. Be grateful for the sun and the moon and the stars. Be grateful for the questions.
It’s time.
It’s time to stand in our own square and say “I don’t know.” To hold our hands out instead of up. Who knows what might happen when we do…
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” Rilke
This quote was posted at the 2018 NADA conference in Austin, TX. I believe the source to be Alex Brumbaugh. It’s a great quote- and could apply to just about any situation currently in our culture.
https://suntzusaid.com/book/7
Mindy Fullilove 1996 NADA Conference quote
https://www.themythicbody.com/podcast/carry-that-weight-on-mythic-burdens-and-cosmic-supports/