I’m in the odd position of having several chances to begin again. January 1 was one of those days. Then there’s the lunar new year on February 10, 2024 (helloooo Wood Dragon!). There’s the beginning of spring which falls on the cross-quarter on February 4 and to further complicate matters, I have a new year from a very different tradition in the beginning of August.
It’s complicated.
But not really. Every day we get to begin again. To wake up in our shiny little modern cocoon. To embrace our lives and all the beings in it after first checking it out (at a distance) via our weather app, newsfeed and a few motivating TikToks. And that’s fine and laudable. But we are herd animals. We didn’t make it this far in evolution by relying on Amazon and Uber Eats from the safety of our home. We made it here via a vibrant and complex web of connections and relationships. These relationships take place in real time and real space. We are richer for it, even when it blows up in our face. We seem to have lost the ability to do ‘community’.
Which I’m sorry to say, I’ve have experienced more than once. You probably have too. We’ve gotten a little rusty on the whole community gig. We no longer know when to lead and when to follow, when to stand our ground and when to shut the eff up.
We currently have little or no understanding of power- what it is, appropriate and inappropriate uses, the left hand path and the right hand path. Current culture will tell you that it boils down to sex appeal and money.
To begin to understand power, the simplest beginning is best. We must come to know it in ourselves. So New Year’s day, after a lovely evening of food and friendship and staying up way too late, I found myself reading an article about the drama triangle. Just a little light reading to start off the year…Yes. I am that person. At times. Especially when I should be paying bills and prepping my taxes.
It’s an article I’ve had archived for quite some time. Find it here. It’s long, comprehensive and well written. I reread it every couple of years. We all know what the drama triangle is. I know what the damn this is. And still, every time, even though it’s pretty clear what my pattern is (SGR), I learn something new. About myself, my friends, my patients and my communities. It’s a mad mash of Groundhog Day and Roy Kent every time I read it.
After reading Lynn’s article again, I felt compelled to send it to all my friends and say, Happy New Year! Some light reading from Tara…Because after hearing yet another story of a community blowing up via the misuse of power, it’s seems cogent. And it’s not just in my circle of folks I know. It’s in the wider world as well. Because I live in the land of preppers. And the future is uncertain. And you can fill 5 gallon buckets with ammo and rotate your gas cans and buy big sacks of rice from Walmart. But if any of the current doomsday scenarios (aliens, asteroids, social crediting, digital currency, AI overlords, nuclear war, extreme weather events etc. etc.) happen, look to your stockpile of relationships.
In the Five Element world, we talk a lot about our constitution, be it Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal or Water. While your constitution gives the primary lens through which we experience the world, it is flavored by the order of the remaining four. But at our core, we have all five. And from a Taoist perspective, the goal is to embrace them all. That’s lovely. And useful at times. But we are human beings first. And we all experience shame, guilt, victimhood and all the rest.
More to the point, we all have power and it is how we have come to terms with it (or not, mostly not) that runs our relationships. And we can bitch about the Man or the System or Misogyny or Prejudice or Maga or face-mask wearing political clones... But that’s just projection.
Ouch.
Projection is the externalization of our unresolved issues within us. Complain about all the stuck people at your AA meeting? Projection. Bitch about the oblivious cell phone yakking driver? Projection. The options are endless. So here’s a little DT refresher for us all. Note that I am no Tarot expert. However, I have always found the imagery contained within Tarot to be a rich source of (non-verbal and non-linear) inspiration…Tarot images can transport us to a place of myth and story where we can grasp the bigger picture.
Shadow aspect: Mother
Mantra: You owe me.
Long game: If I take care of them, eventually they will take care of me.
Greatest fear: Abandonment
Script: My needs are irrelevant, as are my boundaries.
Game: “I’m only trying to help you”
Shadow aspect: Father
Mantra: You are out to get me.
Long game: If I’m angry, I don’t feel shame.
Greatest fear: Powerlessness
Script: The world is dangerous.
Game1: “Made me do it”
Shadow aspect: Child
Mantra: You have all the power.
Long game: I cannot/will not care for myself.
Greatest fear: Failure to thrive
Script: I am defective, god made me this way.
Game: “Yeah, but…”
Forrest takes the viewpoint that we all have a “starting gate position”, but part of the tangle is that we often switch roles, sometimes in the same conversation. This happens in the home, the office, the treatment room and within communities. Ever been on a board? One minute you’re discussing a straight-forward item on the agenda, and the next, you feel like you’ve entered a black hole? Drama triangle. I’ve found the best way for me to identify this situation is via feeling. It’s a tangible sense that you’ve entered the black slough of despond and heading nowhere fast.
So what does this all have to do with anything Five Element? We are in the last month of winter, our final shot at reflection before the starting guns of Spring. The cold is making its presence known- this last month encompasses the periods of Lesser and Greater Cold. While Yang returned with the light at solstice, Winter still has us in its powerful jaws. This is the time of preparation for new beginnings. What would a new year look like with healthier relationships? With a greater understanding of our own power? Winter is the time when Nature is stripped down to the bones, the trees reveal their intricate geometry…
Starlings by Mary Oliver
Chunky and noisy,
but with stars in their black feathers,
they spring from the telephone wire
and instantly
they are acrobats
in the freezing wind.
And now, in the theater of air,
they swing over buildings,
dipping and rising;
they float like one stippled star
that opens,
becomes for a moment fragmented,
then closes again;
and you watch
and you try
but you simply can’t imagine
how they do it
with no articulated instruction, no pause,
only the silent confirmation
that they are this notable thing,
this wheel of many parts, that can rise and spin
over and over again,
full of gorgeous life.
Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us,
even in the leafless winter,
even in the ashy city.
I am thinking now
of grief, and of getting past it;
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard. I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
Eric Berne and Games People Play